"Smith&BoggsAdventure": the basics

The following information should be made known before the city recaps.

1.  Theme Song

Given our previous experiences of getting lost and making fools of ourselves all over the island that is Taiwan it was decided that 'performances' like these warranted a theme song.  One of us has a musical background (the guess as to which one should be easy for those that have ever heard me sing--or asked me to stop singing, for that matter) and she used her talents to write us an appropriately ridiculous theme song.

"It's a Smith&BoggsAdventure!  Anything can happen--we could go anywhere."

Sure it's lacking in length and general rhythm but it still suits.

To refresh your memory here's the (sharp looking) team on a previous adventure to Green Island:

2.  Goals

Before setting out on our epic post-contract adventure we agreed on what our goals would be.

• Ride an elephant
• Hike the great wall of China
• sing "Mulan" songs whilst hiking the Great Wall of China

 If we didn't do these things our trip would be deemed a failure.

And now to the adventure itself...

Formosa to the low-country (and everything in between).

It didn't go the way that we had intended when we set off from Taiwan for the great "Smith&BoggsAdventure."  It lasted a bit longer than we imagined that it would--different locations, too.  And there's no need to even mention that I have been the worst at keeping this blog updated.  Though there are two rather heavy, very extensive notebooks that would disagree with any lack of documentation on my part.  They are substantial in size and are held together with industrial-sized rubber bands.

On November 19th I boarded a flight home (to South Carolina) from Dublin, Ireland.  There were a lot of cities between Maddie's and my realization that it wasn't the right time for Berlin and my arrival in Beaufort--eight cities (and their outlying territories), four countries, a few more trains and a handful of flights (there was a boat, or two, tossed in as well).

We made the decision very early upon our arrival in Berlin that the job front wasn't strong at that time of the year and we'd rather spend our remaining time in the 'schengen zone' on traveling instead.  Though we had three months on our tourist visa I can't say there was the same amount of time for my bank account, so we landed on our end goal of being home for Thanksgiving.  I had big plans to surprise a few members of my family (and nailed it, thanks for asking).

Traveling the globe in an east to west manner (literally, as we made our way back to the Western world and the life/food we're familiar with) gives one a lot of stories to recount and quite a few languages to do it in.

• "Smith&BoggsAdventure"
• Taipei, Taiwan
• Chiang Mai, Thailand
• Bangkok, Thailand
• Siem Reap, Cambodia
• Phnom Penh, Cambodia
• Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam
• Hanoi, Vietnam
• Beijing, China
• Yekaterinburg, Russia
• Moscow, Russia
• St. Petersburg, Russia
• Berlin, Germany
• not classified in any particular portion of the adventure
•  "Smith&BoggsAdventure: Expansion Pack"
• Copenhagen, Denmark
• Venice, Italy
• Cinque Terre, Italy
• Florence, Italy
• Rome, Italy
• Sicily, Italy
• London, England
• Dublin, Ireland
• Beaufort, South Carolina, USA

 I'd like to take some time to recount how I went from this...

to this:
















From this...

...to this:

And, most importantly, this...

...to this...

...with a lot of this in between:

Individual city recounts are coming.  Get excited.  A lot of descriptions of food are yet to be had.

The best quotes and the hardest goodbye.

Here's the best of the best from the kindergarteners throughout the year (at least the ones that I remembered to write down):

• Jimmy raises his hand as if it's a gun, pointed at me:
• Me: No, thank you Jimmy.  No 'bang bang,' please.
• Jimmy nods and after 'holstering' his 'weapon' blows a kiss at me instead.
• "Teacher Lindsay and Jimmy and Jimmy and teacher Lindsay and--and--and--say sorry!"  ~Victor (sometimes explaining a problem can be so complicated in a second language)
• Pointing at my necklace:
• Jimmy:  Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy says, Jimmy says--uhhh--Jimmy says yes!
• Me: Do you like my necklace?
• Jimmy (nods enthusiastically): Yes!
• "We are now at Keelung Station."  ~Peter (playing with blocks; obviously someone's been paying attention on the commute to school)
•  Unauthorized love pats had occurred:
• Me: That's harassment!  I'm calling the proper authorities and filing a report on you.
• Jimmy:  No!  Ugh...Jimmy is angry.

Let's toss in a quote from an older class, for good measure:

• "Ouch!  That hurt my nipper!"  ~Alex (when a classmate accidentally hit him in the chest)

And the winner of the quote contest comes from a class that wasn't even mine but simply a long-term substitute situation...though I think he got it right:

• "Teacher Lindsay, you are not a serious people."  ~Rocco

I got a big group hug on the last day of kindergarten.

 

You can't say they're not creative.

He's actually asked me to call him by the name 'Easonosaurus' in class.

That doesn't exactly answer the question--though it is informative.

Sometimes when Amber is absent Peter gets lonely during snack time.  Good thing he has that framed picture of her to keep him company.

Celebrity lookalikes in the Elephant class.

I feel as though the app took a few liberties to compare Jimmy to Kevin Bacon.

 

  They did do a nice job with Alex though.  Come to think of it, he does look a little like Donald Faison.  Also (fun fact), Alex calls me 'Teacher Messy' and I haven't done a damn thing to correct it.

"Ted": pop-culture references ignite American laughter.

The following lines in "Ted" were responsible for fits of uncontrollable laughter by the two Americans sitting in the back of the theater, while the rest of the audience was absolutely silent.  Like, dead silent.

"But wait, you can't eat your pudding if you haven't had your meat."

"Sometimes you feel like a nut; sometimes you don't."

***

In other news, the 'King Kong in Tokyo' line featured in "Spiderman" enjoyed a boisterous response by the Taiwanese.

It's complicated.

Information Desk Man (pointing back and forth between the two of us): Unintelligible Chinese mumbles, ma?

Me: I think he's asking if we're sisters.

Maddie (to the man): Unintelligible Chinese mumble.

Information Desk Man (confused expression): Hao (ok).

Maddie (to me): I told him you weren't my little sister.

Me: I thought 'little sister' was mei-mei.

Maddie: Huh.  Ok.  Then I told him you weren't my grandmother.

Operation: Post-Taiwan

I know it's been a while, but I'm just going to leave these nuggets of information:

• I have, in my passport, one entry visa to China
• Trans-Siberian railway tickets have been reserved
• stops in: Yekaterinburg, Moscow and St. Petersburg
• There is a plane ticket from St. Petersburg to Berlin with my name on it

Yes, I know there are many more steps to take before our September 4th departure.  However, if all goes wrong the game becomes, "Get to St. Petersburg by October 4th using any means necessary."  And, hey, that might be fun, too.

Word travels fast in Yeliu.

Somewhere out there a middle-aged Taiwanese couple has photographic evidence of the ocean, cool rocks and me falling on my ass.

There is a geopark in Yeliu, and though they don't allow you to climb the rocks (an orange vest with a whistle comes out of nowhere to yell at those who try), there is a little region in which to wade into the water.  When the sun is out, with minimal cloud coverage, it may seem like a refreshing idea to remove your flip-flops and splash about in the knee-deep water.  It will be, but that is as far as you should go.  Whilst splashing about, laughing at how you are the oldest person enjoying said water (the rest are children), you'll notice that still within the knee-deep region there are a few rocks that look like fun to stand on.

Don't do it.

Heed my warning--they are too slippery.  You will fall into the water.  You will be laughing so hard that you can't get up, allowing your purse to soak in the (once delightful) water.  You will need your friend (who is also laughing hysterically at your stupidity) to drag you (still laughing) from the water.  There will be a middle-aged Taiwanese couple watching with an equal mixture of horror and amusement, using their giant camera to take flip-book worthy photos of this ridiculous sequence of events; they won't stop until you retreat to the most inconspicuous picnic table location to salvage what is left of your belongings.  And for the rest of your time in said geopark you will receive the tickled glances of other visitors who recognize you (and your wet clothes) from the (fast-traveling) description as "that white girl who ate it in the water".

The orange vest, and its whistle, will not be close in your moment of need.

Oh, yeah.  And you will need to replace your camera and iPod; they won't think too highly of your impromptu swim.  But on the bright side, you'll see some cool rocks.

Kindergarten humor.

INT--SCHOOL (DAY): The Elephant class waits in line outside the bathroom.  The teacher, a radiant, personable, young American woman (ahem), inspects the line to make sure that each student is standing on his, or her, respective footprint outlines.  Satisfied, she takes a seat on the stairs and holds out her arms for each student to step forward.  "May I go to the bathroom, please?"  They ask one by one--receiving high-fives before entering the bathroom.  The last child, an energetic boy, walks over to the (dazzling) teacher with the swagger that has become his trademark, and the typical (and adorable) smile on his face.

Teacher: Alright, Fernando.  What do you say?

Fernando: (raising his hands in anticipation of the high-five)  Fernando is ready for his milk.

Teacher: Whoa, King Fernando!  What do you really say?

Fernando: (aware he's being mocked, but not sure why) Fernando is ready for his juice.

Teacher: Interesting.  But do you have to go to the bathroom?

Fernando: (nodding with enthusiasm) May I go to the bathroom, please?

The student completes the exchange by slapping a high-five on the teacher's palms with much enthusiasm.  As he continues his swagger into the bathroom the teacher does her best to control the laughter that has overcome her.

SCENE.

The conclusion of English time (and other tales)

The lack of writing can be attributed to a variety of reasons that all boil down to one main concern--there's only so many times one can write about getting lost without sounding pathetic.  That having been said I will share a rare story of success.

This past Wednesday we were given a holiday in honor of "Children's Day" and sure, I had to make it up on Saturday morning, but Green Island adventure time!  Maddie and I headed to the small island of Ludao, or Green Island, about twenty miles off of Taiwan's eastern coast;  we read that a six hour train ride, half hour's bus ride (listed on the website as the 'DingDong' bus) and an hour on the ferry should get us there.  Knowing (and embracing) full-well our less than stellar history with planned trips (please see previous posts) we did the research and headed to the train station the night before to purchase tickets for a 6 o'clock train ride (though our primary concern was finding breakfast so early in the morning).

"No seats.  Too crazy."  Really, not one seat?  It's a six hour train ride, and we're twelve hours early!  "Come back in the morning."  I don't want to sound too paranoid about the Songshan's ticket counter intentionally sabotaging our plans, but it felt like they were intentionally sabotaging our plans.  Nevertheless, we decided to heed the advice and try for seats in the morning.

Wednesday morning didn't feel any different than other days, but in retrospect I now realize that the sun did shine a little brighter, and the birds seemed to sing with more passion than usual.  We were granted tickets with seats, the cafe inside the station was open (coffee and doughnuts were obtained, easing our breakfast concerns), and the train conductor reopened the doors for us when we took too long picking out said coffee and doughnuts resulting in a mad dash for the train.  We were on our way.  And we were winning.

Cut to eight hours later: We made it to Green Island.  The hostel owner picked us up at the ferry, "You want scooters?"  Yes, yes we do.  She points to two scooters and hops on a third, "Follow me."  We must have hesitated too long--she could tell.  "How many times have you ridden?"  We smiled sheepishly; Maddie held up one finger, while I just shook my head.  "Oh, um, you need an international license.  Sorry."  As if the admission of our inexperience wasn't enough, we had to ride on the back of her scooter--for everyone to see.  A long explanation via translator informed us that she would not rent to us if we didn't know how to drive (logical enough), so we wandered down the street to find another place from which to rent.  Four shops later (we were convinced she was warning everyone via text that we were coming for them) we were given a driving test.  Maddie passed, while I (promptly) failed.  The man was very sensitive to my misgivings, and felt bad about denying me the transportation--I hopped onto the back of our lone scooter, and we were on our way.

NOTE TO READER: I did, in fact, master the art of scooter driving once the initial testing nerves abated.

The rest of our day and a half on the island was filled with cruising around, taking a million pictures of the same beautiful rocks, snorkeling (where fish ate bread out of our hands) and enjoying an early morning visit to the hot springs.

And the goats.  There were so many mountain goats!

Mid-week adventure: success.  It's hard to pretend like Taiwan didn't owe us one.

***

The following is a Friday afternoon conversation I had with a kindergarten student (whose name I cannot remember) that is not in my class:

Kid: Goodbye, Teacher Lindsay.
Me: Are you going home?

Kid: It's Chinese time.  No more English time.

Scene.

***

And now a story with kids who are actually in my kindergarten class.  Edward was pushing in the bathroom line, so I pulled him out to the "Crazy People Line":

Me: Is pushing ok, Edward?

Edward: (silence)

Me: Is it ok to push your friends?

Peter: (barreling out of the bathroom, with his pants around his ankles) No pushing!  Dangerous!

Me: So is running with your pants down; go wash your hands.

And scene.

Love truffles and train station agents.

The train station agents of Songshan station have taken the top slot of people I'd like to punch in the face.

This past weekend, armed with a plan of action involving an old street and a giant buddha statue, we set out for Changhua.  Securing breakfast(s) and milk tea, we headed to the information booth of Songshan station to double check our travel plans and what train to take.  Using the map on the counter and the few Chinese words we know that were applicable to the situation, we confirmed the 10:30 train as our means of travel; off to the ticket booth to ensure seating.  The 10:30 train had no available seats, and instead of standing or getting moved from chair to chair for three hours we opted for the later train to Dounan at 10:48.  It is important to note that in confirming this train as our means of transportation we checked to be sure we'd have seats, we pointed to Changhua on the map, we located Dounan was on the map and we, again, pointed to Changhua on the map.  The elderly agent confirmed that this was the train for us.

It was not the train for us.

An hour an half into the journey (and far too long after enjoying our breakfast(s)) we were asked to move from the seats of a new passenger.  Showing our tickets to prove that we were authorized to sit there, the woman informed us that we had missed our stop--the train was just beginning to pull away from our station.  The timing seemed off, but we had faith that we had stated our needs clearly to the agent--he wouldn't fail us.

He failed us.

The station that he had given us tickets for was only half of the distance we wanted.  Bottom line: We got handled...again.

We got off at Miaoli and began to wander, reflecting upon our luck during planned explorations in Taiwan--our poor, poor luck.  A co-worker, acting as spontaneous tour guide via phone, read that Miaoli was home to the art of wood-carving, and there was a museum to commemorate the work.  We couldn't find the museum (though we weren't looking too hard) and instead walked up and down the main drag of Miaoli--correction, the deserted-what we assumed to be main-drag of Miaoli.

The only establishment that has come through for us consistently in the last six months has been Carrefour, and its presence in this city was no different.  We took a jaunt through said establishment where we made friends with a man dressed as an Easter bunny.

 
 Beyond this photo, exploration Changhua was deemed a failure.

***

Note: 'Linsanity' may have puttered out in the U.S. (or so the grapevine/internet has informed me), but Taiwan hasn't gotten the message.  There remains to be a great competition among the students for whose team name gets to be the 'Knicks' or 'Team Lin' in classes.

In case you are unable to see it clearly, that's Spike Lee on the bottom left.

***

On a different note: I have an admirer in my level two class.  Last Friday night I received a box of truffles, for no particular reason.  Innocently assuming that these truffles were to commemorate the end of level two (the following week), or a teacher appreciation of some kind, I accepted with enthusiasm.  It wasn't until after the lesson that my co-teacher informed me that Wayne likes me.

I'm hoping to get more chocolate out of the kid before I have to break the news to him gently.

***

Random photo:

It's so much more than just a latte; it's a life message.  Thanks for the reminder, Hi-Life.

And our reward was a sandwich.

The sunshine was hard to deny, so we rented bikes.  The ride lasted forever (I estimate about twenty miles) but the end result was sandwiches, and thus, totally worth it.

This was the sunset on our way back:

A museum's worth of art.

Last week was chalk full of quizzes...and the inevitable student artwork that happens when they finish said quizzes.  I'd like to take the time to share some of my favorites.  Bottom line: I need to devote more class time to art.

I'm highly concerned with what's happening in the chest region, but let's not ignore the problem of my haircut.

This doodle was found on the phonics section of the quiz; I responded with my own.

Teacher Lindsay goes 'formal'.

I may have broken my leg in this photo, but I'm still winking like a pro.

Notice: my snakeskin dress; also, that snake has pigtails.

Influenced by the zombie-craze, this student nailed the likeness of my eyes and ears.

This kid has created his own "Angry Fish" game; he drew a cast of characters for me.

"Angry Fish": Level One

I don't know who the cook is, but I appreciate that all of that food only costs $50.

Childish games and nine vacation days left.

The break can be attributed to the twelve days I spent over-stimulating my baby nephew in South Carolina at the end of January.  As a result of said over-stimulation he can now play air guitar to Twisted Sister's "I Wanna Rock".  I firmly believe he is much better equipped for life with this particular skill.  But back to Taiwan I went, and the following is what has happened to me since I arrived:

• I poked a kid in the eye yesterday.  I didn't mean to, obviously, but in the heat of an intense game involving rolling a dice I gesticulated wildly and got him with my pinkie.  I felt terrible, but he was a trooper; I couldn't tell if he was more upset that he was blinded in one eye, or that he missed his turn to play (he seemed quite annoyed that he was made to sit-down).
• My wild and crazy class got into full swing after a two week break.  It was fun to see the kids again, but they didn't get any more tame with a break; I can feel my raspy throat happening already.  My goal of containing the craziness, whilst playing awesome games geared toward English learning and keeping the children's crying to a minimum is a continual challenge.  I am determined to perfect the art!
• In addition to the adorable shoes that I purchased at Hilton Head's Target, the best purchase has been the children's book Chicka Chicka, Boom Boom.  A classic from my childhood, I brought a copy back to the kindergarten class; it has become an instant favorite for them, as well.  The kids shout out, "Chicka chicka, boom boom!!!" when I cue, and they point out which letters of the alphabet their classmates' names start with.  It has become a fun daily activity and despite my attempted rotation of books during story time they request this one every time.  Success!
• Last weekend I attended Taipei's Lantern Festival at Sun Yet-Sen Memorial Hall.  The warm and sunny weather was a nice teaser of the Spring that is to come--staying inside was not an option.  Around the grounds of the hall there were floats of all things related to the year of the dragon (a badass year to choose to live in Asia, just sayin'); we walked around exploring, and I even got a flip-flop tan on my ghost-white feet (hopefully an omen of successes to come in the tanning department).  When we stumbled across a small child in a folded paper dragon hat that lit up, our mission became quite clear: secure possession of awesome dragon hat.  Ready, break!  We found them.  We wore them.  Mission accomplished.

• I've been teaching for four months now and, as it is a favorite word in my vocabulary, I have been calling my students "buddy" for as long.  Two days ago one of my students raised their hand and asked very seriously, "Teacher, what is 'buddy'?"  Perhaps I should address my other classes to clear up any confusion that this mysterious vocabulary word may have caused.  Poor kids have probably been so puzzled that I've been calling them all the same name.

The downside to smart students.

"Teacher, you wrote your 'k' carelessly."

~Treehouse student, a day after learning the adverb 'carelessly'

The great injustice of 2012 and a toilet bowl lunch.

I won a flat screen television at the year-end banquet this past weekend.  However, unbeknownst to me, there was a tiny box at the bottom of the raffle ticket I was supposed to check in order to officially win my prize.  So they put the ticket back.

What.  A.  Bummer.

I've tried to trick myself into thinking that a flat screen television would be a burden, and that I'm better off without it.  I'm not fully convinced yet.

***

Sunday afternoon.  Day of rest.  What better way to spend it than at 'Modern Toilet: the Restaurant'?  Please cue epic music.

The whole restaurant was decorated in bathroom decor, right down to the porcelain thrones we sat on.

Picking out what to order was a challenge, but everything came as a combination with a drink and some fro-yo; for an extra NT$30 (US$1) one's drink would be served in a take-home urinal...so that happened.  I didn't order the right thing, though.  The food was fine, but it arrived in a sink (observe my urinal, complete with bendy straw).

The other lunches arrived in style.

Who wouldn't want their chicken served in a black toilet?  Riddle me that.  While the side of rice came covered in a ceramic pile of dung, the hot beverages were served in toilet mugs.

The amount of security cameras around made one wonder how many times the dung-covers had been involved in attempted abduction.

While dining at this restaurant our group became "those Americans"...but we were too easily entertained to care.  So many poop jokes and, yet, it still didn't feel like enough.

Striving for the green pig

In an effort to dream big I've taken to collecting the 'Angry Birds' stickers on the side of my 7-11 lattes--ensuring that one day in the (hopefully near) future I will be able to collect a free pen.  The free pen I'm striving for is one of the following...

...and it is all the rage among Taiwanese school children.  I've saved five out of the necessary nine stickers in the past week--this statistic is both shocking and appalling.  Only five 7-11 lattes this week?!  I should've had my free pen days ago!

When people see me add the stickers to my collection they assume I'm going to give it away as a prize to one of my classes--they're wrong.  I plan on going about my daily writing business with a new sense of flair...and as the envy of all my students.

***

A fellow teacher told his kindergarten class that my Chinese name is 'Lady Gaga'...so that was an interesting greeting from a class of twenty 5-year old's this morning.  And their parents found it to be a curious salutation later in the day as they were leaving.

***

The Christmas tree at school was removed the day after Christmas, with a blatant disregard for the 'New Year's Day Rule'.  Yesterday the vacant spot was filled with this:

I couldn't bring myself to reprimand the kids that punched it as they walked by since I've been holding back from doing that very same thing.

***

Last week was the start of a new 'Yo-Yo' unit which means one thing...

...a new window display!  It's still unclear as to whether I succeeded in drawing a bear (as was intended) or if I morphed it into a dog unintentionally.  The class poll was inconclusive.

***

(Further) Evidence that I have the coolest co-workers:

On Tuesday, after kindergarten, the rain took a break and it was decided that we couldn't let it go to waste.  A fellow teacher and I headed around the block to Carrefour (Taiwan's Wal-Mart) to purchase baseball gloves.  We bought the cheapest ones we could find at NT$298 (US$9)...both cheap in price, and in quality.  We headed to the park across the street to have ourselves a catch; we even played a game of "Pickle"!  It was a fantastic way to spend the afternoon and temporarily satisfied my urge to throw a baseball around.  I've already given a trustworthy individual instructions to transport my glove to South Carolina, where we will rendezvous in two weeks' time.

The baseball glove remains in my school locker, where it shall be ready for any spontaneous games of catch that may be had in the future.  That is, if the rain gives it a rest, already!

***

The kids here play "Paper-Scissors-Stone" nonstop (it's actually quite brilliant).  In some variations of the game the loser can get their foot stepped on--literally; if your weapon of choice is on the losing side you have to jump out of the way almost immediately upon throwing down to dodge the winner jumping onto your foot.  I enjoy entering these games during class break times, but sometimes just to mess with the students I'll step on feet whether I win or lose.  The following is a diagram one of my students, Jamie, drew to illustrate how the game works when there are more than two people involved.

The 'paper' sketch reminds me of "Bullwinkle"; the 'scissors' even resemble the moose's hooves.

 

 

The artist with his unfinished diagram (on the right) and a few of the girls from class.

***

It was a really, really fun Friday.